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The Honorable Roy Bean




Be grateful that you never had to appear for sentencing before the infamous Judge Roy Bean.  See the text of the sentence he pronounced on at least one poor soul less fortunate than you.

NEW!    And speaking of judges, not all opinions coming from the Illinois Supreme Court are as funny as this dissenting opinion written by former Justice Heiple (who was actually good for a little entertainment himself once in a while).

 

If you think legal research of insurance coverage litigation sounds dull, you haven't read an amazing opinion by the Supreme Court of Wyoming on the subject. 

According to the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are 22 questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in some cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

1. "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
   
   
2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
   
   
3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
   
   
4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"
   
   
5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
   
   
6. "Did he kill you?"
   
   
7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
   
   
8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
   
   
9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"
   
   
10. Q:  "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
    A:  "Yes."
    Q:  "And what were you doing at that time?"
    
    
11. Q:  "She had three children, right?"
    A:  "Yes."
    Q:  "How many were boys?"
    A:  "None."
    Q:  "Were there any girls?"
    
    
12. Q:  "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
    A:  "Yes."
    Q:  "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
    
    
13. Q:  "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
    A:  "I went to Europe, sir."
    Q:  "And you took your new wife?"
    
    
14. Q:  "How was your first marriage terminated?"
    A:  "By death."
    Q:  "And by whose death was it terminated?"
    
    
15. Q:  "Can you describe the individual?"
    A:  "He was about medium height and had a beard."
    Q:  "Was this a male or a female?"
    
    
16. Q:  "Is your appearance here this morning due to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
    A:  "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
    
    
17. Q:  "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
    A:  "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
    
    
18. Q:  "All your responses must be oral, OK?  Now, what school did you go to?"
    A:  "Oral."
    
    
19. Q:  "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
    A:  "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."
    Q:  "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
    A:  "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."
    
    
20. Q:  "You were shot in the fracas?"
    A:  "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."
    
    
21. Q:  "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
    A:  "I have been since early childhood."
    
    
22. Q:  "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
    A:  "No."
    Q:  "Did you check for breathing?"
    A:  "No."
    Q:  "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
    A:  "No."
    Q:  "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
    A:  "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
    Q:  "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
    A:  "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
    
    
    
    

See our tongue-in-cheek listing of warning signs that you may need to consider changing lawyers!